the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
