I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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