I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
