Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
