Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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