Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
