never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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