OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
