I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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