the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
