Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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