he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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