none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
