What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
