as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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