i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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