I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
