So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
