i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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