I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
