My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
