theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
