It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
