You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you will always have a special place in my vag
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
