I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
