i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You made out with two different species that night
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
