he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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