I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
