well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
