im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
