Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
