Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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