I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
