Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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