It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
