Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
