suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
