think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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