I didn't shave. On purpose
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
