yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
