Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
