Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
whose parrot is this?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
