could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
