she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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