My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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