Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
