Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
