i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
