hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
