Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
