i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
