by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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