But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
