Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have fence marks all over my body
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
