It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
