I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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